the winter blues

This winter I find myself wondering if I have the winter blues.

I don't have a solid answer. My gut doesn't immediately produce a YES or a NO, only the question. But I'm leaning towards "no," because I'm not actually sad. 

But I do feel like hibernating. Like listening to silence. Like turning off my phone. 

I do feel like opening space in my calendar, which requires an awful lot of "No, thanks, maybe another time,"-s, or "Can we play this by ear?" Or a phrase closer to the truth, which is, "I just started a new job at my work, and it's more tiring than I thought it would be." 

Which pushes my button of shame, directly. BZZT BZZT BZZT!

I think it's because I think I'm supposed to be invincible. (Do you think this about yourself, too?) That any new challenge, I'm supposed to chew it up like a snowblower does snow, and spit it out in a glorious arc over the snowbank, effortlessly. 

Except a snowblower actually takes effort. It takes gas and oil, takes a person pushing it and pulling it. Takes maintenance and care - covering it up after you're done using it, making sure it's secure. 

So, no. It's not the winter blues, that I have. It's that I'm a human, and humans get tired. Social media, and having a full calendar, doesn't make my spirit go "Ahhhhhh....." right now, the way free space, and staring up at the sky does. 

It's odd, for me, someone who has put parts of her life up on blogs or social networks, for years, to feel the opposite compulsion. But... I'm going with it for now. That's how it goes, after all, this being human thing.

How is your winter going?

xo Leah 

How I resist.

howiresist

These days are not normal. The days creep closer until Donald Trump becomes the President. The days continue to pass that I - and many others - look around like "What? This is really happening?" 

I thought I would share with you how I, personally, am resisting accepting this as normal. I don't care that it's happening in America and I live in Canada - that means nothing to me. Half my family is American. A good number of dear friends are American. America is my country's closest sibling, who lives right next door. If they're in trouble, so are we. 

So:

  1. Leah McElrath is the first place I go when I'm wondering what's new. 
  2. Then I check in with the following: Summer Brennan, Sarah Kendzior, Ijeoma Oluo, Lauren Duca and Kate Harding. There are more folks too but most of them I found by following those people. 
  3. I've been listening to The 451 Podcast. I do think it's pretty funny that in 2017, the resistance ...has a podcast. Of course it does. But that doesn't make it any less important. 
  4. I forgive myself for not being perfect. For needing rest. For needing time away from seeing it all unfold. For still going about my daily life instead of packing up my car and driving to Washington to join the Women's March. 
  5. I talk about it out loud as much as I'm able to, in real life, with the people around me. This is not normal. This is not OK. And it's all too easy to accept it as normal, simply by wanting to blend in, to not stick out as different from the people around you. That's how Naziism took hold in Germany in the 30s. People wanted to be "good", but to resist you have to risk looking foolish, different. So do that, in whatever amount you're able to. That's what it means to resist. 

How about you, how do you resist? What are you able to do? 

 

In Transition

The parsley went to seed this year.

The parsley went to seed this year.

So here we are, it's a week into the New Year. Goals and resolutions hit the road. Or, wait, what's that phrase? When the rubber hits the road? Yeah, something like that. Anyway, what I mean is, one week in to the new year is when I remember that you've got to take things one day at a time. Setting goals for the year is a good thing, but it's one day at a time that dreams come to pass. That the work gets done. 

Me running the snowblower earlier today. The joy of flying snow!

Me running the snowblower earlier today. The joy of flying snow!

It was a funny week. Monday started off strong when I took part in a really fun voice workshop with a local singer and voice teacher, and then Tuesday I was back to work. The clients at Horizon weren't back yet, it was just staff in that day, so it was very quiet around the Centre. It was nice though, to have a chance to get my bearings back in the office, before adding in the hustle and bustle of clients to the building. 

Then Wednesday morning I woke up with a full-blown head cold. Low energy, congestion, the whole bit. So that day I stayed home from work, and slept and OK, yeah, watched Outlander. (I finished Season 2 - have you seen it?) Luckily for me, I had made a big pot of chicken soup the week before, when Adam was sick, so I had a steady supply of easy-to-heat nutrients. 

Thursday I was still under the weather, so I took another sick day. This time around I slept the entire day, waking only to eat lunch (soup again). I always resist doing that, sleeping a whole day, I think because I don't like missing out on a whole day of life, but it seemed to do the trick at kicking those germs' butts because the next day I was mostly back to normal. 

I went back to work on Friday, which felt like a Monday, but of course was not. I was glad to get out of the house though, and get back to the office and see familiar co-workers and clients. It's funny - NEST is my word for the year, which I first assumed would mean getting all domestic and working on our home, but I'm already noticing that I need to get out of the nest just as much. Being around others, and working with them, satisfies a part of me I just can't get at home.

The "One Little Word" course I mentioned in last week's post asks you to pick a quote that uses your word, and the one I found and went with is: 

"By going and coming, a bird weaves its nest."

It's an Ashanti proverb, according to the Internet. I like it - it says to me that going out into the community, away from your home, and then coming back with bits you find (whether those are actual material things, or stories or experiences), is just as much a part of the nest-building process as working in or on your home. Which is good, because I go a little stir-crazy when I'm home for too long. 

So that was the week! Not a lot going on, but that's just fine. This weekend I got out, over to Sydney during the day on Saturday, and helped my friend Amanda shop for her freezer meal workshop. It was actually fun, going shopping with her, and we talked about maybe doing our weekly groceries together, to hang out together and also to spare our partners from having to do it. 

And then after that, before I came back to North Sydney, I got to have coffee with a friend who lives in Ottawa these days, but who was home for the holidays, and another mutual friend who lives in town. The fact that I'm not doing client work on the weekends means I have time for these things. For sitting in a coffee shop and losing track of the time, my hands wrapped around a mug with two cold sips of mocha left in the bottom, laughing and catching up on each others' lives. It feels really good. 

---

So this blog and I, you may sense, are in transition. Over the next month or so, I'll make some tweaks to it, making it less about the freelance design business that I was starting, less about selling me and my services, and more about just... me. My writing. My photos. My design work, yes, but that design work is part of a greater body of work that I've made and want to share. This word I've picked for the year, NEST, can also mean my nest, or home, on the web, which is what this website is, when you think about it. So, like making changes to a physical space, I'll make some changes to this digital space to reflect where my life is at now, and what I want to be making and sharing. Stay tuned!

I'm turning away from having my own business, at least for this year, and to be honest, it feels OK. I had worried that I would feel disappointed in myself, or that I had disappointed others, (especially those who supported my crowdfunding campaign in 2015) but honestly, I don't. I gave freelance-on-the-side-while-working-full-time a decent shot. It wasn't for me. That's not to say that freelance design won't work for me sometime down the road, but for now, for where I'm at in my life, I prefer keeping the full-time job (for a variety of reasons), and then getting rid of a few extra commitments so that I have more time and energy. So that I'm a better worker when I'm at work, and a better friend, partner, and, well, friend to myself, when I'm not at work. 

More on all of these things, to come! I want to blog weekly I think. For now, I'll leave you with a selfie of me earlier today, after Adam and I had cleared the driveway of snow, and I went into the backyard to poke around in the snow-covered garden a bit. 

With love,

Leah

My One Little Word for 2017: NEST

It seems fitting that I am writing this post about NEST in my bed, while it rains outside. 

It's January 1st and the start of a new year. Adam and I stayed up until 2 am yesterday, watching Phish play Madison Square Garden, toasting each other with Prosecco and generally being our silly selves. Today we're being lazy. He is on the couch and I am in our bedroom, watching Outlander. "Liminal" is a word I learned recently, meaning the transitional time, and I like it. I think it applies to today - that crossover day between the celebrations, however wild or tame, of the night before, where you said goodbye to last year, and welcomed the new year. 

So. 2017 - a new year, a fresh start. This year I'm going to choose a word, and take part in Ali Edwards' One Little Word class to explore that word. A few years ago I tried choosing a word but didn't end up doing much with it. That seems to be a common experience for people. Oh well... we move on. 

This year the word that leaped up at me, asking to be claimed, is NEST. 

I'm not 100% sure why yet, except that I feel called to stop rushing. To stop being away from home so much. I want to work, yes, and I want to go ALL IN on my work, and give it lots of energy and drive. But I also want to come home from that work, and have a life. Have down time with my partner. Cook good food, and not be rushed. Keep the house tidier. Weed out possessions we don't need. Read more books. 

In 2017, I also want to spend more time in the garden. I want to write. I want to have more freedom, more free time, to spend how I wish - perhaps drawing, or writing, or working on something creative, but perhaps also walking, or weeding, or... whatever I need then. I'm also (fingers crossed, knock on wood) hoping to become pregnant, and grow our little family, so there is another meaning to the word NEST. 

My inner demons say, "That's not possible, life will always be stressful, you can't control it like that!" But the older I get, the more I learn that we do have some measure of control over how we spend our time. And indeed, that's the only thing we really can control. 

So, here we go. NEST. 2017. Let's see what's in store. 

 

What's next for Leah Noble Design in 2017

Hello, friends,

I've got some news!

2017 is going to start off with a new job for me. It's within the same organization I've been working for for two and a half years, the Horizon Achievement Centre, in Sydney, NS. I'm going to be taking on the position of Job Developer/Trainer, for adults with intellectual disabilities in the CBRM (which is the clientele that Horizon serves). I'll be working with a small team of another Job Developer, and an Employment Counselor, both also relatively-young women like myself, to find work placements for Horizon's clients, as well as support them in their jobs. 

While I'm still passionate about graphic design, and about someday being self-employed, if I'm honest, I'm really excited about this shift in my career! 

It's a chance for me to learn lots of new stuff about the local labour market and business scene, as well as to do more to help people with disabilities reach their full potential (which is something I've become passionate about, because of working at Horizon these last two years). Not only that, but it's also a chance for me to practice Essentialism: Pick one thing and go all in on it. In other words: Make the most impact you can through one thing, rather than try and go in several directions at once. 

So (deep breath here!) that means I'm putting my business "on ice" for the next year. I haven't been very busy with it anyway, as I've been working full time for the last two years at Horizon, and haven't had much spare time. And to be honest, working full time and managing (or attempting to manage) a side job is a lot of work, and can be difficult. My personal and home life has felt uncomfortably squeezed these last two years while I juggled work, my wee business, and some volunteering, and I'm so ready to give it (my personal/home life, that is) more energy, attention and love. 

What this means for anyone who was hoping to hire me to do design work: Thank you for considering me for your project, but for the next year I'm not taking on new clients. Do feel free, though, to get in touch and I would be happy to recommend designers. 

What this means for this blog and for my website: Not too much will change, but I will be playing around with blogging more personal things and perhaps a bit more regularly. I also want to play with some personal creative projects, making things just for my own joy of making them, not for a client. I feel like this will make me want to blog more, actually!

So, I hope you'll continue to follow along with me and my journey. I'm so appreciative of your support, and interest. It means a great deal to me. 

With love, and wishing you peace and joy for the Holidays,
See you in 2017!

xo Leah

Thinking about...

... the New Year and what it might bring for me and my partner. There are new job possibilities, maybe adding a new family member (I mean, who knows, but it's in our minds!), friends getting married and places we want to travel to, and our home to tend to. I love the end-of-the-year-time, and am really feeling the pull this particular end-of-year to write, to journal, to look back at last year, and to think to the year ahead. To set some intentions. To cull out what is no longer serving me. 

...choosing a "one little word" to use as a guide in 2017. (But not signing up for another class or course to investigate it -- just doing my own thing with it.) I have been jotting down ideas for what that word might be, and once I settle on one, I'll share it here.

...what blogging means to me now. I started blogging in 2002 - that's sixteen years ago! Holy cats. I've blogged for so many different purposes (personal, business, travel, community, exposure, practice, joy, to name a few), and now I'm at a point where I am asking myself, "why do I blog?" There are some good reasons to do it (the excitement of sharing, it's a great creative medium, the joy and power of connecting with people around the world) and good reasons not to (privacy being the main one). I've been an obscure blogger and I've been a well-known blogger. Both have their pros and cons. I'm still mulling this one. But I think, judging on the fact that I came to a Draft Post box to write out my thoughts, that I'm still a fan. Just figuring out what I want to do with blogging now. 

...and, related to that, what this space online means to me now. I'm also mulling over making this URL host a personal blog again, and dismantling the business (such as it is; I work full-time at my job so this business hasn't really bloomed - or, I should say, I haven't had the time and energy to help it bloom, to tend to it). Part of me feels afraid to do this, like it means I'm giving up. But another part of me is excited about it. And it feels like that's what I should follow. 

...the question, "If you could only be excellent at one thing, what would it be?" My creative partner Emily Rankin and I were talking yesterday about the future of our Creative Soul Weekend retreat. It's a weekend by the sea for creative women that we have been organizing and running these last two years. Right now we're doing some deep-diving, some inward-work on it: Asking ourselves questions about why we do it, and where it's going, to then guide us for this coming year and the next few years. So this was one of the questions we asked ourselves. It comes from the book Essentialism, a book I'm very drawn to and try to apply to my life. And it's a toughie, because I (we?) want to be able to say we're good at lots of things. We want to be useful in many ways. But this question gets to the heart of Essentializing your life. If you could only go all-in on one thing, what would it be?

(Still working on that.) 

Leave a comment if you like... I'm still old-school like that. I'd love to hear your thoughts and connect. 

Blogjammin'

This weekend I'm heading to Halifax to meet up with this nut! :) Or as she's more commonly known, the lovely Leah Wechsler, of Creative, She Wrote.

Why we're going: We're giving a workshop at BlogJam Atlantic, on Sunday, November 6th, a session called The Content Cure. We'd love to meet you if you're going! The session description is here.  

When I was in Maine last month, visiting with Leah, we worked on our presentation together at her local library. It was so nice to hang out in person with her after a year or so of Skyping every couple of weeks. She is a real person! :) And a very lovely one. 

Maine was really pretty, by the way. I'm working on a post about my travels there... but first, Halifax. Follow me on the ol' Instagram for things I see and do there. 

Peace!

-Leah