worth it (a bit about juggling)

A voice in my head sometimes -- OK, often -- asks, "Is it worth it?" The "busy", the "hustle". The end goal, of having my own business. The short term goal, of completing work that is not my day job.

When all I want to do is lie in my bed all Sunday long, reading and drinking coffee, listening to the birds outside the open window, I have to admit that it doesn't feel worth it, to get up, and pick away at my To-Do list. To do the work I naively signed up for by selling my time in the crowdfunding campaign last month. (It will definitely get done, but ignorance is bliss, let me tell you.)

And, some Sundays, I do lie in bed most of the day. And relax. Because that's worth it, too, in a different way.

The Busy -- and that's sort of how I sum up the whole body of To-Do lists, is by calling it "The Busy" -- is a restless toddler, not content just to be held, but always squirming around in my arms. For me, right now, anyway. And it seems there is no one Perfect Time Management system, but rather I must keep the level of tasks I've said "yes" to at the level that I can manage it. In my own way: with my paper dayplanner, with my methods of checking in with the lists each day, and getting work done piece by piece.

In a recent conversation, my coach Tiffany Han asked me and the others in the 100 Rejection Letters program, "If you're feeling overwhelmed, you've got to ask yourself, what is it you want? Are you wanting to learn how to juggle better? Or do you need to look at the balls you're juggling and figure out which ones to put down, at least for a little while?"

And I thought, "You know what, I think I'm as good at juggling as I'm going to get. My goal is not to become a Cirque-de-Soleil level juggler, astounding the audience with the sheer impossibility of the juggling act. My goal is to be a juggler who laughs and jokes around while she juggles, because she is juggling at a relaxed rate. Two or three objects. Solid in her hands, slow and easy. And she can set them down whenever she likes, and have a beer."

I suppose even the squirmiest toddlers grow up, as well! The Busy, it seems, just wants some attention, and then it will relax a little. One day at a time, one step toward the end goal at a time, along with some quality time spent in bed reading, and it is indeed all worth it.