slow blog // January 2016

This is the start of it, the year of slow blogging! I went to Michael's, at the mall, and bought myself a sketch book. I used to use a sketch book in design school all the time, but I hadn't had the money in a while to get myself one. It wasn't a priority. But then I decided to change up how I blog, so it was necessary. 

I went with the cheaper one available. The least-fancy paper. I mean, I want something semi-fancy (not just a Hilroy spiral-bound notebook for three bucks at Walmart) but not so fancy that I feel like I must be precious with what goes onto the page. 

So mid-January, I began! You can click on the photos of the pages to see them bigger, to read what I wrote.

slowblog_January03-1.jpg

I drew this yellow metal flower that my friend Mel gave me once, long ago, for a birthday.

I realized that the Sharpie bleeds through the page. 

I tried one page in pencil. But then realized that I really prefer the Sharpie. (I use an Ultra Fine Point.)

I really love the work of Lisa Congdon (as well as her story, and her thoughts) so I signed up for a little online class where she teaches drawing. I've been thinking about illustration a lot lately, and wanting to do it more. This next page below is a continuation of the one above, in thoughts.

The next day I drew again from the little online class:

Then a few days later, at breakfast, I sketched my table, and wrote a bit:

When I finished the book "My Fight/Your Fight" by Ronda Rousey, I photocopied some of the photos I loved the most, and wrote out a few quotes. After my time last year learning how to lift weights, and being at the gym (a habit which is on hiatus at the moment, I think I burnt out a bit on it), reading Ronda's story of all her training and time dedicated to her goals was like, Wow. Intense. 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about intuition. About my gut twinges. About trusting them even when my intellect or my physical body or my ego may say an opposite message. Where do these messages come from? How do I know it's right? I don't know, I just know. This little picture came to me and I had to draw it out:

The organization I work for in my day job, Horizon Achievement Centre, is partnering with the Ashby Legion right now for a Chase the Ace. It's gotten big, and it's taking up lots of time. And I'm not even one of the staff who is heavily involved! 

I finished out the month with a quote from a book I'm reading about light (on Instagram I've got a hashtag project going called #leahloveslight). And, some thoughts on community and how I've been thinking I might have something to say on this topic, even if I'm not sure what it is yet. 

Looking back through the month, I realized that while I had good intentions, I totally didn't keep up with that little online class. That's OK. I just have to remember to cancel my membership to CreativeBug before they charge my credit card... it's only a few dollars, but it's a few dollars I don't have to spare at the moment. 

I'm excited about this documentation method, this writing method. That's a good sign! I like how when I'm writing in it, I don't have to be anywhere near a computer. It's just me and the page. But I still get to share my thoughts online, with you, and have current (ish) content. 

Let me know what you think of this method of blogging! I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

slow blogging

I thought I came up with this idea (slow blogging) but after a Google search it turns out I didn't. 

"I realized that the biggest thing holding me back from executing all of the exciting projects I had dreamt up (& truly growing my blog) was, in fact, making sure that my blog was on schedule." -Hoda Katebi, Joo Joo Azad
"There can be so much value in starting a conversation when you really have something interesting and/or useful/insightful to say, instead of just forcing yourself to keep up with daily content in the hopes of staying relevant and present...
"You don't work for your blog - your blog works for you and your goals, and the most important thing we can do is let it." -Jen Carrington

And even my favourite blogger, Elise, in her own way, is slow blogging right now, although she's not labelling it as such:

"Right now, I plan to update on occasion when I have something to say or something to share. It's funny - I blogged near daily for almost ten years. And when I took a break? I didn't miss it." -Elise Blaha Cripe.

***

I started writing online in 2002. That's almost fifteen years ago... and it will be in December. 

The online world looked a LOT different then. I remember coming across a blog called "Bluishorange" and being hooked, checking in every few days to read her posts about her life. She was just... writing. For the sake of it. There were no sales pages, no newsletter sign-ups, no free e-courses. Just... writing: Stories. Thoughts. (Mind you, this didn't seem weird, this non-sales-yness, because there wasn't the Internet of Today to compare it to.)

I loved blogs. I tried it out for myself. I kept it up and kept at it as the years passed and the Internet evolved. I switched from a purely personal blog to a blog with a mission (Dream Big Cape Breton) which I wrote for three years. Then I got real burnt out on it, and stopped. 

Then I moved in to this new home on the Internet, this blog you're reading now. And I did so as a business, as Leah Noble Design. With ideas for how to blog as a business, but also with a long history of blogging from a personal place. 

Cut to: today. Early 2016. Here I am, spending a lot of time thinking about my blog and what I want it to look like now. I still like writing, and being online, but I'm also sort of burnt out on the Internet in general. On the "sales-y" ness of it. I read this post by a gal named Michelle Gardella, recently, and it just hit home like an arrow:

We tell the kids to stop fidgeting, we tell our husbands to shift into the good light, and we sell. Oh boy, do we sell. 

***

So if I don't want my blog to be all sales-y (totally a term, by the way), what do I want?

I want my blog to be a place people can read my writing. To be a place they connect with me, and me with them. I want it to be a place potential clients check me out, see what I'm all about, get a sense of who I am. But I also want it to be a creative outlet for me. I want the stuff I share here to be good, to be something I'm proud of, not hastily put together on the run.

So, that brings me to "slow blogging." I had an 'a ha!' moment last week when I thought I invented the term, but then Google showed me the error of my ways, as Google often does. 

But rather than blog once a week, as some of the people who have written about slow blogging suggest, I actually want to slow right down and get super realistic with myself. I want to blog once a month. 

That's right. One post a month. Which, for someone who used to post daily, feels almost comical, like a slowed-down video where your voice gets all deep and weird. 

But, whatever. This is what I want: I want to get a sketchbook, and I want to write and draw in it, maybe collage in it, maybe who knows what in it. And at the end of each month I'll share it. I'll share that month, "January," "February," et cetera. 

And, that's it. For now. See ya back here in twenty days. (Or on Instagram if you can't wait that long, haha.)

year-end questionnaire: 2015

I used to fill in this questionnaire every year. I started I think in 2005, but the only evidence I can find of it on my old blog is from 2007. I also printed some off and kept them, but then for a few years I stopped. This year I'm bringing it back. Mainly because as I get older, my memory gets worse and worse, and this is a good way for me to actually remember things.

1.    What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

Ran a crowdfunding campaign. Did "It's Business Time" - a 6 month coaching program that culminated in launching my own business. 

2.   Did you keep any of your New Year’s Resolutions? Do you have any for 2016?

I didn't really make any last year, it was more about wanting to slow down. I did that, somewhat. My intention for 2016 is to be grounded in a healthy and sane, natural pace. 

3.   Did someone close to you give birth?

No. But two dear friends - Gill and Emily - wed their sweethearts.

4.   Did someone close to you die?

No. 

5.    What countries did you visit?

USA: Chicago.

6.   What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

More peace, with what is. More time in the garden. 

7.   What dates will remain in your memory?

No specific dates, but months: March - the month of crowdfunding. April - when I got my tattoo. June - when we got our kitty! August - my two week vacation, and our time in Chicago. September - Gill's wedding. And the Creative Soul Weekend! 

8.   Biggest achievements of the year?

Crowdfunding $5000, yo! Starting and running the Creative Soul Weekend with Emily! Holy shit, that's something. I don't think of it often but we really nailed it. Keeping a kitten alive: that's something too. 

9.   Biggest failure?

Geez, I never know what to say for this. Failures tend to turn into gold, in time, anyway. And maybe it's good that my failures don't stick in my head enough to come to mind?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not in any meaningful, long-lasting way.

11.What was the best thing you bought?

A ticket to Toronto for a wedding. Time with a personal trainer.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Anyone who welcomed refugees. Canadians who voted for anyone but Harper. 

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Donald Trump.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Car payments, student loan payments, Dim Sum. LOL.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

The Get to Work Book!

16.  What songs or albums will always remind you of 2015?

Adele: Send My Love to Your New Lover (song).

Fat Freddy's Drop: Bays (album).

Frazey Ford: Done (song).

17. Compared to this time last year, are you ...

  • Happier or sadder? Happier. For sure.
  • Thinner or fatter? Thinner, but not by much. 
  • Richer or poorer? Poorer, but not by much.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gardening. Swimming. Reading.

19.  What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry. Fret. Put off cutting back my Facebook list because I was afraid of what people would do or say. (Spoiler: they did nothing.)

20.  How did you spend Christmas?

With family, at Colin and Mary Jane's. Laughing a lot. Eating chocolate pudding with Baileys on it. Playing Phase 10. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2015?

Only more so with Adam. (Awwwww... cheeseball, I know. But it's true.)

22. Any one-night stands?

Only the guy at the Halloween dance who was dressed up like a nightstand. 

23. Your favourite TV shows?

Call the Midwife, hands DOWN.

24.  Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

This is a weird question. And, no.

25.  Best book you read?

I can never pick just one, but contenders are Farm City, The Dirty Life, Essentialism, Middlesex, What Alice Forgot, Station Eleven, and Longbourn. 

26. Best musical discovery?

Marian Hill.

27.  What did you want and get?

To do It's Business Time! A kitten! A profesh website! 

28.  What did you want and not get?

Marriage and a baby! LOL... but there is still time. Loads of it. 

29.  Favourite film of this year?

Inside Out.

30. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I turned 31. Whew I'm old!! I also can't remember what I did for it... which makes me feel really old.

31.  What one more thing would have made your year more satisfying?

I... have no idea. It was a pretty damn satisfying year.

32.  How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?

HA! I used to attempt this question but now I will just laugh. While I love Vogue, I'm no fashion plate. I rock jeans and tops. 

33. What kept you sane?

The same as ever: physical activity, lazy days in bed, writing in my journal, laughing at shit with Adam or with girlfriends.

34. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?

Channing Tatum. I'd fancy him all night long, LOL.

35. Which political issue stirred you the most?

I wasn't stirred politically very much at all this year. Apathy? Burnout? Whatever it was, I couldn't deal. 

36. Who do you miss?

Laura Nelson-Hamilton. Gill. Jess De Groot. Krista. Janice.

37. Who was the best new person or best new people that you met?

Stephanie Rice. Hands DOWN.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson (or lessons) that you learned in 2015.

A little bit every day or every other day ADDS UP. (Thinking about the gym. Also about writing.)

You can make true friendships through the Internet. (Thinking about Leah Wechsler.)

Real life long-term love is hard work and sometimes you don't even like the other person. But it's also the best goddamn thing ever. (Thanks to Renegade Mothering for her amazing words on this.)

39. What are the words to guide you through 2016?

Four P's: Patience. Privacy. Presence. Practice.

December Devotion/24

I'm writing this at 12:24 on Christmas Eve Day. We're waiting for Adam's parents and brother to arrive, and we'll go visiting family in Sydney Mines. I just did the dishes and tidied up a bit, the way you do when your in-laws will shortly be in your home. But, at 12:20 I stopped myself. There is more I can do, for sure. But I also wanted to write a blog post. And I also wanted to just relax a little before they get here. 

So, so what if there are messy things still around? 

This is life.

Grace to oneself is devotion to my own sweet soul. To my own value, intrinsic. Inherent. Not dependent on how neat my house is. 

Anyway, December has been a good month! It turned my schedule a bit sideways, and some things fell by the wayside (ahem: the gym). But we're all here and accounted for. In our messy, filled-with-love, normal, sometimes-cranky, always-sheltering, home.

Merry Christmas.

December Devotion/21

Back on the bandwagon. I go through phases. (So does the moon... so do we all. Right? Right.)

Phases of wanting to be on-the-Internet, and phases of wanting to shut the screens and machines, and just look at real life. Be with real faces. 

I'm still not totally comfortable in my new "blog house," I'll be honest. I'm still figuring out what I want this writing space to be about. I have Vampire Voices that say it must be all about design. Then I'll have thousands of client requests flooding my inbox. Then I look at a blog like Tara Whitney's and I think, it can be about anything. It's OK. (She is one of my favorites.)

I'd like to get better at taking photos. I'd like to just take more photos, really. 

This time of year, before the holiday, I get this weird lonely feeling. Like, a fear of being alone. Or a fear that I'm missing out. It's the same feeling I used to get around exam time at school. Like, we were all on our own now, and about to be dispersed. It's the pre-missing missing. 

When I feel that way, I have to remind myself to lighten up a little. It will all be OK. Chill time on my calendar is OK. Reading a book in bed is OK. 

Right? Right.


December Devotion/17

What I'm learning from devotion this month is... you can only devote yourself to one or two things. Tops. 

Devotion is not a thing that you can do for everything and everyone who wants a piece of you. 

Devotion is "all in", it's laser-focus, it's put-the-phone-down, look-at-the-person-talking. 

For a year or so now, since I started working with Tiffany Han last year, I've been in a process of figuring out what I want to be devoted to, and not only that, but how to actually devote myself to it. I remember around this time last year, deciding to stop writing "Dream Big Cape Breton," the blog I had created and sustained for three years. I remember finally leaving a board of directors I was on, that I had wanted to leave for the past two years. I remember feeling that I was so, so sick of the feeling of frantic.  

It's been a year and it's been, I see now, a slow, piece-by-piece getting to this point where I have only a few things on my plate. I kind of interrupted myself in that process, in the spring, when I crowdfunded $5000 and took a business program with Tiffany and Michelle. Life actually got busier. But I'm glad that that happened. It was worth the hustle.

But I'm glad the hustle is done now. I've got my website, and my little home on the web for my business. And I'm going to slowly grow it... but not at a crazy pace. "Sane, healthy pace" is my intention for 2016. I have a day job. I like that day job. I want to put energy in to this business, certainly. But not at the expense of other things, like my relationship. Like my garden. Like my friendships. Like my "white space".... that delicious time to myself to read, or just stare off into space.

Last weekend I got rid of the Dream Big Cape Breton Facebook group. I manually deleted over 1100 people. Then I culled my Facebook "Friends". I had over 1100 of those, too. I cut it back to just under 200. It was tough, shedding this public skin I had worn for years. I miss it a bit, in the week since. I miss feeling like I have 'influence', whatever that is. (Talking into the void, is what it really is.) 

But I don't miss having to turn my Facebook feed off because I was so overwhelmed by the stuff floating in that river. I'm glad it's back on now, and that the things I see in it are only from close friends, family, loved ones, when I choose to sign in.

I was used to running one step always ahead of my schedule, like a villain chasing me. Like my To Do list was a tetris puzzle -- you have to keep doing stuff, so that when new stuff gets added, there is room for it. 

Over the past year, I've slowly learned through trial and error how to have more white space than commitments. 

It's not easy (there are many things that I'm not devoted to, like the dishes, for instance, or cleaning my floors, or volunteering in my community, and I feel sometimes that I "should" be doing more) but it's ease-making. It's the antidote to frantic.

It's devotion to myself. 

 

december devotion/16

Devotion tonight is devotion to self... (and to this project, because I really don't feel like blogging right now, but I do want to write a bit each day, for the month). I worked a long day on my feet at work, cutting pans and pans of squares, and then assembling boxes of sweets. It's actually harder than it sounds, as there are a bunch of different kinds of squares to keep track of, and the sweet boxes have to have a certain number and variety of squares in them. It's also really sticky and messy work (think icing, and some squares are made of coconut and condensed milk), and on top of that you're also working with clients of the centre, who are adults with intellectual disabilities. Who are great, but, people can be tiring.

 Anyway, I love my job, but it's tiring at Christmas when I help out in the bakery. 

I had planned to go to the gym after, but when I left work tonight my body said, "nope." So I came home. And I'm about to get into bed and read or perhaps ... nap. 

It's hard sometimes to give yourself a break. My Vampire Voices start up, saying things about skipping the gym and being a quitter. It's hard to be good with the work I've done up til now, and to trust that I'll return to my regime once work isn't as tiring and busy. 

But the more you do it the easier it gets. So I'm signing off now, and going to go let my sore feet go "ahhhh" as they snuggle into bed.