the answers


(I don't have any, or I have fragments of them.) 

But I ask myself lots of questions. (Mostly about whether or not something is OK, it seems.)

Is it OK to not really use Facebook much anymore? To not care about the News Feed? 


And then, related - is it OK to pivot, to change, to evolve? (Because I used to be a heavy Facebook user. Like, heavy.)


Is it OK to do what I want? (And not do it purely for money, or for SEO, or for clicks and likes, or for what my Ideal Client wants?)


Is it OK to share that journey? (And be vulnerable?)


Is it OK to make my own way?


What I miss:

  • Connecting with other people through words, through the Internet. Seeing their world through their eyes. And showing them mine, through mine. Instagram does a good job of this these days, but. But. (But what?) Blogging just seems like my first love. A deeper place. A something different. A slower place. 
  • That time by myself to write. And then to share. 
  • Bulleted lists, haha.

So an idea comes to me, somewhere between yesterday and today. To write, every day, for the next 20 or so days. And not to tell anyone, or to post "New blog post up now!" on Instagram, or anything like that. Not to draw attention to it. Just to nurture this little space, my little words. My little hunch, that this is something I need to do again. 

OK, alright. I can do that. 

going backwards, going forwards

Looking for inspiration. Earbuds in, Bjork playing. That kind of mood, "Big Time Sensuality". The bedroom window in front of me with curtains open, it's almost dark outside. That Fall dark-blue sky, some rain. 

I miss blogging. I miss writing daily, or nearly daily. I miss blogging before it was a massive vehicle, a rumbling SUV of a thing, a way to make a living, constrained by rules about pretty photos. I mean, I get it. We like pretty things. And I'm glad in a way that it's become what it has. But I also miss the days of just opening a new post and typing your thoughts and hitting Publish.

I want to bring that back, at least to my own life. 

So tonight I'm writing out some ideas for "who I am now" and what I want to write about, put out there into the world. 

Writer. Worker with people with disabilities (this one has been a huge learning curve this year!). Graphic designer. Wannabe veggie gardener (really didn't do much with it this year, but still, I got excited about the raspberries I found on the vine today - which reminded me that even when things feel fallow, they can and do grow back). Friend. Retreat planner. Mama-in-waiting. Girlfriend. Daughter. I still love local stuff but I am shy to revive the Dream Big brand and blog... so how to incorporate that? We'll see. I want to be more outspoken about the things that matter to me, social justice issues and all that. But I also want to share (some of) my life. I want my blog to be an interesting read. 

What comes to my mind is the idea of flexing muscles that I haven't used in a while. 

What does that look like?
Ask the question first, I guess. 



What I'm excited about for Fall


September 1st has come and with it, the cooler weather - at least here in Cape Breton it's cooler. This date on the calendar and this time of year makes me reminisce about all the years past at this time, and where I was, what I was doing. Going off to university at 21... or travelling across Canada at 18...or going back to school at 27... and all the other times in between, when I was working a job, or unemployed, but the turn of the air still means harvesting vegetables, and cooler nights, and frosty mornings. 

I love it. It's bittersweet but I do love it. 

This Fall, maybe because I'm pregnant, it feels especially heightened, this excitement for this Fall to come. So I made a little moodboard and list of all I'm excited about, for the next couple of months. From left to right, top to bottom:

  • Chicago! We're travelling there in late October for a wedding, and will visit a bunch of Adam's friends while we're there. I've only ever been there in the summer, so visiting in Autumn will be neat, I think. It's such a big and beautiful city, and I love finding something new about it each time we go. (My partner lived there from age 13 to age 27, so it's his home, basically. Even though he's still Canadian and all.) I'm excited especially for: our annual visit to "the Bean", eating a Chicago-style hot dog, and finding a Chicago map by an artist to bring home and frame. 
  • BlogJam: I'm a "Jambassador" this year, which means you'll be hearing more about this event from me in the months to come, as I do my part to spread the word about this fantastic blogging conference in Halifax, November 5th. 
  • Book Club: A friend hosts a book club in her home, and I joined last year. We've all picked our books for the coming year and it's a fantastic line-up of books I've been wanting to read! The local library provides the books and we provide the book chat... and the life chat. My GoodReads account is here if you're interested. I also post books I read on my Instagram. 
  • New season of Outlander! I love love love this show. It's so cozy, and exciting. Bring on the drama, bring on the reunion of Jamie and Claire! I'm still trying to figure out how to get it on-demand in Canada, and I'm willing to pay a subscription fee, so if you know something I don't, let me know. 
  • Creative Soul Weekend - this is a retreat for creative women that I co-host with my friend Emily. It's coming up soon - just two more weeks. This year we're going to try wire-wrapped jewelry and archery for our workshops, and there is also lots of time for beach exploring, journalling, talking and laughing. It's the best. 
  • New season of Broad City! Trailer is here. I can't wait to see what those crazy queens get up to next.
  • The Magic Flute opera: Last opera season I went a couple of times to the "Live in HD" events at the local movie theatre, which is where the Met Opera gets streamed live to cinemas all over the world. It was awesome and I loved it. This season I'm going to try to get to a few before the baby comes, and the one I'm especially excited about is "Die Zauberflote", or in English, The Magic Flute. When I was a kid we had the Classical Kids' cassette of this (hear the first track here) and I loved it so much. I cannot WAIT to see the actual opera and hear the music I knew so well as a kid. 
  • Last but not least! I'm really excited to create a nursery for the little one I'm cooking up. (Image in moodboard is from Elise Blaha Cripe's blog, here.) This month I'm moving all my office stuff out of the guest bedroom I've been using as an office these last five years. Then next month my father-in-law will put in new flooring (apparently carpet isn't great for baby puke and poop? Haha), paint the walls, put in a new window and a new light. Then when that's done we'll start setting up the nursery. Hopefully it will be all together in time for Baby's February 8th due date! 

Whew! That's a lot of good stuff. Things I wanted to include but didn't: apples, cool air, socks, and (this may sound weird) everything in the garden dying back. I didn't get much time to garden this year so my garden is overgrown with weeds. I can't wait for everything to die back so it's easier to prune and manage again. It feels a bit like a refresh. 

So yeah, Fall. While I like some things about summer, more and more as I get older the heat of summer really takes the stuffing out of me, so this cooler weather feels like it wakes me up, gets my energy going. I like it.